Why

This is serious. I am an ambitious mother and there is more out there for me than kids and I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you might be too.

And I’m writing this on a bad day in August 2017, because it’s the bad days, or the uncertain ones, when you need the most encouragement. I’m sitting here now at my kitchen table. It’s a beautiful day thank goodness because I think I’d be weeping otherwise; my kitchen is a complete tip, untidied since I went to bed last night (with 4 kids that’s a lot of mess). My twins are eating lunch. Eating is probably a verb too far. They are throwing lunch on the floor as fast as I am throwing food at them: chopped cucumber and banana (it started well), tomato crisps, toast, an Aldi fruit pouch. I have a hideous cold which is making me feel tired and rundown. One is teething, or at least he has a temperature and a very sore cheek which is making him unusually grumpy. To give the Calpol time to kick in I took them for a walk which just made me more exhausted.

I’m also on tenterhooks because we are completing a sale of our worst financial move ever. Our first rung on the property ladder 2007, making a loss of around £20k but the buyer is threatening to pull out if we don’t complete by the end of the week.

My lack of control in the situation is making me feel particularly stressed but I am frantically typing because despite all this I don’t feel consumed by the domesticity of the situation. I feel slightly removed because I know there is more for me out there. I am more than the children in front of me (and those at school). I am more than the meal plan, the nappy changing, the Baby Sensory classes, the local Mums Facebook Messenger chat, Christmas present organising. I am more than gut wrenching stories of childbirth, Pinterest Birthday cake pins, and blogs about mummies drinking gin. This is serious. I am an Ambitious mother and there is more out there for me than kids and I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you might be too.